The Spiral In My Head
I still have the intention to post about ‘my many failures’ and such, but in leading up to all of this thinking, I’ve realized what a spiral I can get into.
I typically start out evaluating things in a good way. It’s good to take stock and such. Then, wanting to be ‘productive’, I start asking “What should I do about this?” Add a new task to my routine, spend more time doing this or less time doing that.
Pretty quickly I spiral into way over-analyzing things… which is something I do often and well.
Within a couple days, I’m obsessed and going nuts. I feel farther away from the intention in both what I think I want “to do” AND I’m bugged by how I’ve let this process take over.
I’d fail as an astronaut or contestant on Survivor. They’d find me 3 days in naked, talking to trees and forming a coalition of earthworms to rally against the laziness of coconuts.
It also reminds me of a story in “Blue Like Jazz” where the forest ranger comes to their camp and he’s just… bizarre. It’s like he’s forgotten how to interact with humans.
I snap out of it when I get out of my head and think about something else. It doesn’t usually take much – it just needs to be not so self-centered. This time it was a hike on the mountain with my friend Craig.
We had GREAT conversations, but really it just got me thinking outside of myself.
Jesus said “he who wants to save his life, will lose it.” I think the point is, life isn’t about us. I think someone else said it along these lines: want to be happy? Make someone else happy.
When we live outside of ourselves and help others, we find a better joy than seeking our own desires. It’s a selfless selfishness maybe. 🙂
Not that I’ll give up what I want to do in all ways… far from it. I’m no where near that nice. But I certainly need to get out of my head more often. I’m hoping blogging will help me think through things and move on???
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